or
Up Against a
Wall
Lacey:
Alright. We begin this week in Dubrovnik, Croatia, the perfect place for Jef to
fall in love.
It looks
amazing. I may just have to add it to my bucket list.
Lorraine:
Nothing says romance like a newly formed country recovering from a
racial/religious cleansing that looks old and has a beach!
but no
really, Croatia is pretty awesome.
I will go to
there with you.
Lacey: Done!
We meet the guys in their hotel room. Beefcake's hair is looking extra tufty
today. Also, he's wearing the most horrifyingly awful women's tank top in
history. What was that?!?!
Lorraine:
I'm pretty sure it was a halter top.
That I own.
Lacey: I
almost died. I'm sure it looks fabulous on you. On him?... I'd rather vomit.
Lorraine: I
think he thought it was a fancy wifebeater.
He got it
from the same bargain bin as Michael Scott's lady suit.
Lacey: It
was a POWER SUIT, Lorraine!
So Emily
shows up and gives the first one-on-one date card to Travis, who then changes
into his favorite jeans, which I believe had beading and embroidery on the back
pockets. I almost died again.
COME ON,
GUYS!
Lorraine: He
is about one hit song short of Rascall Flats, that one.
they wander
seemingly aimlessly around Dubrovnik until encountering the Balancing Stone of
Love, which seems to be the utterly painful theme of the one-on-one dates this
season.
Lacey: I
thought it was cute when they were dancing in the street. Also, have you
noticed how much thicker her accent gets when she's with him?
Lorraine:
YES! her accent is definitely dependent on company.
it's
charming.
Lacey: It
really is. These two clearly enjoy each other and have a fun time together, but
it was obvious that he was in the friend zone. If only he'd been able to
balance on the stone long enough to remove his jacket, the end of the date
might have been different.
Lorraine:
Yes. If she could have seen what was under that shirt, maybe she would
have....felt a spark....?
Lacey: Could
be. We'll never know now. All we do know is that his exit speech was the
saddest ever! "I don't want to waste her time." Aw! Don't say that!
Lorraine: he
just didn't have the confidence for a woman like her. it was sad. but, I can't
blame him. being hot enough for Emily is kind of a lot of pressure.
Lacey: So he
walks down the street in the pouring rain and dramatically thrusts his umbrella
by the wayside. And thus we say farewell to the egg guy.
Lorraine:
Poor Travis. And poor Shelley. She lost her egg life for naught.
Lacey: Yay!
Okay. Group date time!
Or as I like
to call it the extended product placement hour!
Lorraine: I
will admit, that movie looks darn cute.
but the
product placement was egregious.
Lacey: It
does look darling. Let's skip to the part where the guys change into their
kilts! Hello!!!
Lorraine:
ahem, I'm a married woman, so I won't comment on how much I appreciated Jef in
a kilt. Not at all.
la le la le.
Lacey: I
wonder if there's a clause in their contracts stating that they must be willing
to be shown half naked while changing.
Lorraine: I
guarantee there is.
Lacey: I
found myself wondering if any of the guys decided to go True Scotsman under
their kilts. If you're not, you're just a dude in a plaid skirt.
Lorraine:
rawr.
Poor little
Chris, bless his heart.
Lacey: I
know! His stance while shooting the bow! That was excellent!
Lorraine: If
that wasn't bad enough, he couldn't get his little log to go round and round
the highland
games were not kind to him.
Lacey: It
was obvious going in that little Jef probably wouldn't make it over, but
Chris... And Sean! Snapped his log right in two!
I wonder how
many hours a day he spends in the gym?
Lorraine: As
many hours as Emily spends with her child, I'm guessing.
Lacey: And
Chris goes and challenges Hulk/Doug in the stick pull. What was he thinking?
Lorraine:
It's like he KNEW there was a bravery cup on the line.
Lacey: He's
either got his head WAY in the game or way out of it.
Not sure which.
Lorraine: Or
as Chris called it, "the award for bravery", "the bravest man
award" and "the bravest man mug." And yet, somehow,
miraculously, he did not seem to notice that he received not one but TWO
consolation gifts from Emily. It was so clearly a matter of consolation, and he
so entirely missed that. he was darn proud
Lacey: Emily
is the nicest girl ever. She's a mama. A nurturer through and through.
She seems to
think him super handsome. I'm not so sure I agree with her 100%. Is that mean?
Lorraine:
no, I agree. I think he's got kind of a dufus thing going on.
"doyyyyy,
uhhhhh, I'm totally ready to fall in love..."
Lacey: Now
let's talk about the part where she and Arie go for a little walk...
"Let's look in this darkened shop window."
Lorraine: oh
man.
Lacey:
Lorraine, don't make fun of me, but that kiss gave me chills!
Lorraine:
they are so hot for each other.
Lacey: It
was AMAZING!!!
Lorraine:
Um, yeah.
I started
booking 2 tickets to Dubrovnik right about then, but Dan stopped me.
HIS. LOSS.
Now he'll never know.
Lacey: It
was mm mm, good.
Lorraine:
yup. nuff said.
Lacey: Then
Jef comes in with another fabulously sweet line making it a one-two punch.
"You give me feelings that people write novels about."
Yes, Jef!
First he offers her his jacket, then that... He's making a very strong showing!
Lorraine: It
is going to KILL me when she breaks his heart to marry the racecar driver. It
actually makes me a little bit sick.
Lacey: It'll
probably be the toughest good-bye ever. Man, he's a sweetheart!
Shall we
move on to Beefcake sculpting his facial hair?
Lorraine:
PLEASE.
Lacey: Can I
say again before we carry on I can't stand this guy?
Lorraine: I
was hoping that #12 on his list was "someone to shave triangles into my
beard,” but to no avail.
Lacey: He scares
me a little. When he was pleading his case for staying he was so manipulative
and condescending and he wouldn't let her talk. It was painful to watch!
Lorraine: he
actually reminds me of a really good friend of mine, so I have a soft spot for
him- his arrogance over time could be endearing (as it is with my friend) but
the d-bag seems to really override it
It's one
thing to be charmingly confident. another altogether to be a jerk about it.
Lacey: I was
so afraid she wasn't going to trust her instincts and give him another shot.
Nice job, producers. You got me good!
Lorraine:
totally. they had me.
Also, somehow
they only ended up showing about 5 minutes of that date leading up to her
kicking him off, which was mildly hilarious.
Lacey: It's
true! We would be remiss if we didn't mention Emily nearly puking up her lunch.
Lorraine:
they have some good times, but clearly they are in TOTALLY different places in
life.
haha, yes,
that was unfortunate. somehow she still looked cute doing it,
he really
doesn't want 10 babies yesterday, so it was best to send him home now.
Lacey: The
other guys REALLY didn't like him! It cuts to them cheering and high-fiving.
Wow.
Lorraine: I
LOVED that! "those guys and I were pretty tight"
hahaha
Lacey: Any
dude that takes 3 hours to get ready and who plucks his finger hairs needs to
reassess his priorities.
Lorraine:
OUCH, by the way.
Lacey: Yeah.
Lorraine:
and Emily's reward for making the right choice? Arie in her bed. GOOD. ON’YA.
Lacey: Heck
yes!!!
Do they not
look like they've already been a couple forever? They're so comfortable
together.
Again, why
don't we just wrap this season up now?
Arie gets
Ryan's rose for his trouble. Double prizes!
Lorraine:
how convenient she brought that rose home with her too!
well played,
again, producers.
The cocktail
party was uncomfortable to me on a lot of levels. I just don't get the
attraction to John, personally, but I respect that she likes what she sees in
his heart. Doug, well, we'll just have to see where that goes.
Lacey: Ugh.
Her convo with Doug was almost as awkward as Ben's kissing lessons with Jamie.
It was just so bad!
He needs to
snap out of it!
John's
little moment with the funeral cards was kind of special. She couldn't send him
home after that.
I'll say
though, that they got me again with that last rose business! I thought she was
going to send them both away!
But for
Emily, there are no rules.
Lorraine:
absolutely. you break whatever you want Emily. the producers will walk coals
for her.
Lacey: The
relieved smiles on their faces were sweet. I was happy for them.
Lorraine:
not to mention, they're happy to keep a spare man or two on hand. that just
means more episodes!
(I guess you
and I aren't complaining about that either.)
Lacey:
Hooray! That or a major blood bath next week.
So we're moving on to Prague. I want to go
there SO BADLY!!! I'm afraid this episode will only add fuel to my flame of
longing. Someday. Someday.
Lorraine:
Another great city, for sure. I'm so glad they're giving eastern Europe proper
romantic street cred!
Lacey: Also, apparently we'll be dealing with some
Arie drama that I hadn't even heard about.
Has it been in tabloids and stuff?
I avoid spoilers like the plague, so I'm caught off guard!
Lorraine: I haven't a clue.
you and I
will both jump in full bore next week to see if wars and rumors of wars can
come between our southern belle and her frontrunner.
Lacey: I certainly hope not!
A great big YES on the Ryan picture and the Chris picture, Lorraine!!! Amazing finds! Ha ha! Oh that face!
ReplyDelete