Up Against a Wall
Lacey: Alright. We begin this week in Dubrovnik, Croatia, the perfect place for Jef to fall in love.
It looks amazing. I may just have to add it to my bucket list.
Lorraine: Nothing says romance like a newly formed country recovering from a racial/religious cleansing that looks old and has a beach!
but no really, Croatia is pretty awesome.
I will go to there with you.
Lacey: Done! We meet the guys in their hotel room. Beefcake's hair is looking extra tufty today. Also, he's wearing the most horrifyingly awful women's tank top in history. What was that?!?!
Lorraine: I'm pretty sure it was a halter top.
That I own.
Lacey: I almost died. I'm sure it looks fabulous on you. On him?... I'd rather vomit.
Lorraine: I think he thought it was a fancy wifebeater.
He got it from the same bargain bin as Michael Scott's lady suit.
Lacey: It was a POWER SUIT, Lorraine!
So Emily shows up and gives the first one-on-one date card to Travis, who then changes into his favorite jeans, which I believe had beading and embroidery on the back pockets. I almost died again.
COME ON, GUYS!
Lorraine: He is about one hit song short of Rascall Flats, that one.
they wander seemingly aimlessly around Dubrovnik until encountering the Balancing Stone of Love, which seems to be the utterly painful theme of the one-on-one dates this season.
Lacey: I thought it was cute when they were dancing in the street. Also, have you noticed how much thicker her accent gets when she's with him?
Lorraine: YES! her accent is definitely dependent on company.
Lacey: It really is. These two clearly enjoy each other and have a fun time together, but it was obvious that he was in the friend zone. If only he'd been able to balance on the stone long enough to remove his jacket, the end of the date might have been different.
Lorraine: Yes. If she could have seen what was under that shirt, maybe she would have....felt a spark....?
Lacey: Could be. We'll never know now. All we do know is that his exit speech was the saddest ever! "I don't want to waste her time." Aw! Don't say that!
Lorraine: he just didn't have the confidence for a woman like her. it was sad. but, I can't blame him. being hot enough for Emily is kind of a lot of pressure.
Lacey: So he walks down the street in the pouring rain and dramatically thrusts his umbrella by the wayside. And thus we say farewell to the egg guy.
Lorraine: Poor Travis. And poor Shelley. She lost her egg life for naught.
Lacey: Yay! Okay. Group date time!
Or as I like to call it the extended product placement hour!
Lorraine: I will admit, that movie looks darn cute.
but the product placement was egregious.
Lacey: It does look darling. Let's skip to the part where the guys change into their kilts! Hello!!!
Lorraine: ahem, I'm a married woman, so I won't comment on how much I appreciated Jef in a kilt. Not at all.
la le la le.
Lacey: I wonder if there's a clause in their contracts stating that they must be willing to be shown half naked while changing.
Lorraine: I guarantee there is.
Lacey: I found myself wondering if any of the guys decided to go True Scotsman under their kilts. If you're not, you're just a dude in a plaid skirt.
Poor little Chris, bless his heart.
Lacey: I know! His stance while shooting the bow! That was excellent!
Lorraine: If that wasn't bad enough, he couldn't get his little log to go round and round
the highland games were not kind to him.
Lacey: It was obvious going in that little Jef probably wouldn't make it over, but Chris... And Sean! Snapped his log right in two!
I wonder how many hours a day he spends in the gym?
Lorraine: As many hours as Emily spends with her child, I'm guessing.
Lacey: And Chris goes and challenges Hulk/Doug in the stick pull. What was he thinking?
Lorraine: It's like he KNEW there was a bravery cup on the line.
Lacey: He's either got his head WAY in the game or way out of it.
Not sure which.
Lorraine: Or as Chris called it, "the award for bravery", "the bravest man award" and "the bravest man mug." And yet, somehow, miraculously, he did not seem to notice that he received not one but TWO consolation gifts from Emily. It was so clearly a matter of consolation, and he so entirely missed that. he was darn proud
Lacey: Emily is the nicest girl ever. She's a mama. A nurturer through and through.
She seems to think him super handsome. I'm not so sure I agree with her 100%. Is that mean?
Lorraine: no, I agree. I think he's got kind of a dufus thing going on.
"doyyyyy, uhhhhh, I'm totally ready to fall in love..."
Lacey: Now let's talk about the part where she and Arie go for a little walk... "Let's look in this darkened shop window."
Lorraine: oh man.
Lacey: Lorraine, don't make fun of me, but that kiss gave me chills!
Lorraine: they are so hot for each other.
Lacey: It was AMAZING!!!
Lorraine: Um, yeah.
I started booking 2 tickets to Dubrovnik right about then, but Dan stopped me.
HIS. LOSS. Now he'll never know.
Lacey: It was mm mm, good.
Lorraine: yup. nuff said.
Lacey: Then Jef comes in with another fabulously sweet line making it a one-two punch. "You give me feelings that people write novels about."
Yes, Jef! First he offers her his jacket, then that... He's making a very strong showing!
Lorraine: It is going to KILL me when she breaks his heart to marry the racecar driver. It actually makes me a little bit sick.
Lacey: It'll probably be the toughest good-bye ever. Man, he's a sweetheart!
Shall we move on to Beefcake sculpting his facial hair?
Lacey: Can I say again before we carry on I can't stand this guy?
Lorraine: I was hoping that #12 on his list was "someone to shave triangles into my beard,” but to no avail.
Lacey: He scares me a little. When he was pleading his case for staying he was so manipulative and condescending and he wouldn't let her talk. It was painful to watch!
Lorraine: he actually reminds me of a really good friend of mine, so I have a soft spot for him- his arrogance over time could be endearing (as it is with my friend) but the d-bag seems to really override it
It's one thing to be charmingly confident. another altogether to be a jerk about it.
Lacey: I was so afraid she wasn't going to trust her instincts and give him another shot. Nice job, producers. You got me good!
Lorraine: totally. they had me.
Also, somehow they only ended up showing about 5 minutes of that date leading up to her kicking him off, which was mildly hilarious.
Lacey: It's true! We would be remiss if we didn't mention Emily nearly puking up her lunch.
Lorraine: they have some good times, but clearly they are in TOTALLY different places in life.
haha, yes, that was unfortunate. somehow she still looked cute doing it,
he really doesn't want 10 babies yesterday, so it was best to send him home now.
Lacey: The other guys REALLY didn't like him! It cuts to them cheering and high-fiving. Wow.
Lorraine: I LOVED that! "those guys and I were pretty tight"
Lacey: Any dude that takes 3 hours to get ready and who plucks his finger hairs needs to reassess his priorities.
Lorraine: OUCH, by the way.
Lorraine: and Emily's reward for making the right choice? Arie in her bed. GOOD. ON’YA.
Lacey: Heck yes!!!
Do they not look like they've already been a couple forever? They're so comfortable together.
Again, why don't we just wrap this season up now?
Arie gets Ryan's rose for his trouble. Double prizes!
Lorraine: how convenient she brought that rose home with her too!
well played, again, producers.
The cocktail party was uncomfortable to me on a lot of levels. I just don't get the attraction to John, personally, but I respect that she likes what she sees in his heart. Doug, well, we'll just have to see where that goes.
Lacey: Ugh. Her convo with Doug was almost as awkward as Ben's kissing lessons with Jamie. It was just so bad!
He needs to snap out of it!
John's little moment with the funeral cards was kind of special. She couldn't send him home after that.
I'll say though, that they got me again with that last rose business! I thought she was going to send them both away!
But for Emily, there are no rules.
Lorraine: absolutely. you break whatever you want Emily. the producers will walk coals for her.
Lacey: The relieved smiles on their faces were sweet. I was happy for them.
Lorraine: not to mention, they're happy to keep a spare man or two on hand. that just means more episodes!
(I guess you and I aren't complaining about that either.)
Lacey: Hooray! That or a major blood bath next week.
So we're moving on to Prague. I want to go there SO BADLY!!! I'm afraid this episode will only add fuel to my flame of longing. Someday. Someday.
Lorraine: Another great city, for sure. I'm so glad they're giving eastern Europe proper romantic street cred!
Lacey: Also, apparently we'll be dealing with some Arie drama that I hadn't even heard about. Has it been in tabloids and stuff? I avoid spoilers like the plague, so I'm caught off guard!
Lorraine: I haven't a clue.
you and I will both jump in full bore next week to see if wars and rumors of wars can come between our southern belle and her frontrunner.
Lacey: I certainly hope not!