Episode One: Emily "is gorgeous. we get it." Maynard

Episode 1: The Hunt for Fiance #3 Begins!

Lorraine and I are a little late to the party to start this season off, but we have high hopes that it'll be a good one. Join us again this season as we chat the Bachelorette, or as we like to call it "BaChat". Check out our brief initial thoughts on the very first step of beautiful Emily's journey to find true and everlasting love. I hope she gets that minivan full of babies and a post-7:30pm partner out of this. She's so lovely.

Lorraine: ‪I assume you have watched the bachelorette. ‪I just had to comment on the fact that she totally sent home the black dude. not even a token week so she doesn't maybe look like a southern belle. With producers in the background pleading "Emily, we have a LAWSUIT on our hands, give the brother a chance!!!"‬

Lacey: ‪I know! And he was a handsome guy too! At least she kept a couple Latinos.‬

Lorraine: ‪hahaha, yes, bless her heart. even if one of them was rocking some sort of...hair tendril? mullet curl?
‬

Lacey: ‪The mushroom farmer? It was all his sweet sweet whisperings in the language of love.‬

Lorraine: ‪totally.‬ speaking of hair, the Daniel lookalike is my 2 to 1 favorite, for obvious reasons.

Lacey: ‪Wait. The Daniel lookalike? Who?‬

Lorraine: ‪I think his name was mike? with the shoulder length flowy shiny hair?‬ the ringer for your brother my husband?

Lacey: ‪Oh the Long-Hair.‬ I didn't notice that he looked like Dan. I'll have to take another look.

Lorraine: ‪

 If he had blue eyes and glasses, totally. he even likes giant sweaters!!!

Lacey: ‪He does a little!

Lorraine: ‪they gave her hardly any blondes, which is weird since it seems like Brad was kind of her type.‬

Lacey: ‪It's true. There's only one!‬ ‪I'd like to throw my personal favorite bachelor out there, Aaron the biology teacher. Oh my gosh, he looked so dorky! Just how I like 'em! Cheesiest opening line, square glasses. I'm a fan.‬

Lorraine: ‪ooooh yeah, I thought he was presh‬

Lacey: ‪I think she's got a great group of guys. I really do. Once we get rid of painfully awful Kalon it should be smooth sailing.‬

OOOOH- Arie the racecar driver is gorgeous! The producers are awful for putting him in there, but I'm glad they did!

Lorraine: ‪totally. love arie.‬

and Joe, I don't like Joe either. too greasy.

Lacey: ‪And obnoxious. Fist pump! Yes!!! Emily!!!! Woo! Yeah!!!!‬

Dude. Chill.

Lacey: ‪And lest we forget we have a "singer/songwriter" in the mix. Not only did his song suck, but almost definitely *not there for the right reasons*.‬

Lorraine: ‪hahahaha‬ there are some BAD eggs in this season. but Emily seems like kind of a spitfire now that she's at the wheel, so I'm not worried about her.

Lacey: ‪I could really get used to the hour-and-a-half episode thing. That rose ceremony MOVED.‬

Lorraine: ‪clipped right along there, didn't it? I was wondering why it seemed shorter!‬

Lacey: ‪Oh yeah. They should do that more often.‬

Will you hate me if I say that the two sided note bit was totally charming to me? When he pulled out a note I was prepared for a hideous poem.

 

Lorraine: ‪hahahha, no I thought that was funny, who did that again?‬

Lacey: ‪I think the former pro football player.‬ I could be wrong, but I think it was him.

Lorraine: ‪ohhh yeah‬. I think you're right. no, I was utterly charmed by that, I thought it was one of the better intros

Lacey: ‪Hey! They cast kind of an interesting normalish person from Salt Lake! Besides the hair thing and the entering on a skateboard thing, he seemed like a cool person.‬

I was surprised for some reason when she said Jef with one F smelled good. At least he's not a psycho.

Lorraine: ‪hahaha, yeah, I'm actually really familiar with his company, People Water.‬ He's a UVU grad.

 

Lacey: ‪Really?‬ That's so cool. Represent!

Lorraine: ‪I kind of dig his whole vibe. A bit of a hipster, but memorable, cool‬

Lacey: ‪Yeah. I like him. He may go far.‬

Lacey: ‪I'm glad she got rid of Mr. Eyebrows, Old Man River, and Testosterone Boy.‬

Lorraine: ‪LOL‬ that is forever their names. yeah, that one dude seemed like, REALLY old, right?

Lacey: He was like in a completely different stage of life. 6 kids?! At first I thought he was joking and he was going to show her pictures of his dogs or something. But no. He meant it.‬

Lorraine: ‪hahaha, yeah, that was weird.‬ interesting choice, ABC

oh lacey, what is wrong with us? Why do we like this show so much!?

Lacey: ‪I don't know!!! Up until 5 minutes before it started I was telling everyone I'm not watching this season! But I'm like a moth to a flame! I just can't help myself!‬

Lorraine: ‪how could we possibly not watch Emily's season, Lacey? We'll just watch ONE MORE, and then we'll stop.‬

Lacey: ‪Right. Yes. One more. And then I'll be done forever!‬ I mean it this time!

Lorraine: ‪yeah!‬

Lacey: ‪What do you think about blogging it this season?

Lorraine: ‪hahah, you know what I think we should do is start a blog unto itself where we BaChat, so that people who love our chats can religiously read, and people like my grandma can stop asking me why there are pictures of girls in hotpants on my blog hahahahah‬

Lacey: ‪That's not a bad idea.‬ Not a bad idea at all. Should we do it? I mean do you enjoy it?

Lorraine: ‪Lacey.‬

who chatted who today to talk about Bachelorette for an hour? WHO?

this girl.

this one right here.

If we didn't blog it, we'd still do this every week.

we might as well share our creative mockery with the rest of the world.

Lacey: ‪That's the truth. Either way we'll always chat it out.‬

Lorraine: ‪AND THEN NEVER WATCH AGAIN.‬

this is the last season! really!

Lacey: ‪No seriously. This is it. Absolutely the last.‬

Definitely.

Lorraine: ‪uh huh.‬

Lacey: ‪yeah‬

Lorraine: ‪I just need one more fix.‬

season.

I meant season.

I am not addicted.

Lacey: ‪Alright. Let's do this thing.‬